Why Deny Yourself?

Why is it that we so habitually deny ourselves even small comforts that contribute to the joy of life?

Would you want to break the cycle and learn to deeply, truly nourish and support yourself?

I’ve gotten so much better at it. And I’m still working on it.

When my kids were little we spent a good part of every summer reading Harry Potter aloud together on the hammock. I treasure the memories, and I know they do too.

And then the kids grew up, the series ended, and one of the two trees that held the hammock was struck by lightning. I gave it away.

Occasionally I missed it, but the kids were gone, there weren’t any other two trees close enough together… and… that wasn’t really the point. It was the unheard, underlying rhetorical question: why should I do this just for me?

I tell my clients all the time: put yourself on the priority list. Put yourself on the TOP of the priority list! I refer to the airplane model: that we must put our own mask on first, in order to take care of others.

airplane model

And yet, we all have our blind spots, me included.

A while back, I impulsively ordered a hammock, on sale. I was excited. And then the box sat there, unopened, day after day, week after week. Why? Oh, I’m too busy to do something so kind and indulgent just for me, of course.

This morning a meeting ended earlier than I expected and I ran outside. I spent a mere 15 minutes putting it together. It’s done. It is even more delightful, comforting, and joyful than I had imagined.

So I lay here on my hammock looking at the trees and the sky, and wonder: why did I delay? What was I waiting for? What permission did I need to make it okay to do this for myself?

What small comforts can you give yourself today?

Make a list: maybe 5 things or even 10 that would tickle your fancy.  They don’t have to be big, or cost money. What would help you to drop anchor, find a resting place, take in some comfort or support?

For me until the cold and snow chase me away I think it will be a few minutes out here on my green hammock.

If you are realizing that you need more help identifying and implementing support in your life… the kinds of support that lead to more health and happiness, but that you don’t know where to start… Please check out my online course, starting soon.

I’ll be with you very step of the way.

p.s. Sunday morning I continued my practice of self-kindness. It was a beautiful morning, with a new Fall crispness in the air, and I surprised myself.

First of all, by even acknowledging that I had a craving for French Toast, something that would ordinarily be on my “no” list without a thought. It wasn’t an occasion, no one was cooking but me, and my partner did not share my craving, so I couldn’t justify it by making it for him.

Friends, I made it anyway. Eggs from a local farm beaten with vanilla, gluten free toast, cooked in pastured ghee with organic raspberries smashed on top. It was delicious, and kept me warm and full for six hours.

I could be developing some mad self-kindness skills!


Please share how you are practicing self-support, self-kindness, and the simple indulgences that bring you joy. You never know who you will inspire…

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